Im torn, Im done, Cant keep Pretending!!!

 

Today August 14 2017 i am in a dark room with my computer typing right this second. 11:41pm. I am torn Between doing the right thing or keep on pursuing what i love that absolutely its obviously no good for me! I decided to make this Word Press thinking and saying that i was going to be great writer and show people how to live a healthy lifestyle from the inside out. I wanted to start a blog about success, accomplishment, and on how to get trough life. HOW YOUR HEART CAN CHANGE AND YOU CAN HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR HANDS. How i overcame many bad things i did and surrounded myself with. How i changed my way of thinking in all areas of my life. I simply wanted to show people that if someone like myself who did  so many bad things WHO DID MANY PEOPLE WRONG……..   did  CHANGED than why cant you??? so i thought i write and write and make memes and take pictures and put the perfect blog and colors than i will get enough attention for people to look at me with different eyes and possibly learn from my mistakes. I wanted people to see that i was better and that i wasn’t that girl who i wouldn’t even hangout with. But, now things in my heart have gotten real, the better i do the worst people treat me. The more i strive to be better person the more weight is put on my shoulders. More people judge me and look at me attacking me with the things i did in my pass. How do you think you will feel if you did one wrong thing and someone you love is constantly reminding you. Telling you that “you were better off doing how you were doing and that your no good for nothing else” “you were better off doing what you where doing now your struggling” even comments like “why are you even trying to do all this is not like your going to get anywhere” im sick and tired of this life of hate and neglect. Im tired of trying so hard and not being able to give up, because if i give up even though im drowning than all i worked for will be for nothing. I hate the fact that people keep pretending like if nothing is wrong like its ok to say things like that. Like its ok to accept a life of neglect and hate just because its family, just because is your husband or wife. Like naaaah what happen to the love for one another, what happen when people felt good for another person who is doing good. What happen to the good neighbor???  Im tired of pretending with all you people. Its not OOOKKKKAAAY if someone puts you down in any way shape or form on purpose and they know what their doing GUESS Whaaaaaaat???…. “I HATE TO BRAKE IT UP TO YOU HONEY BUT THAT PERSON MOM, DAD, SISTER, BROTHER, FAMILY, FRIEND WHATEVER IT IS DOES NOT HAVE LOVE IN THEM AND SOMETHING IS WRONG IN THEIR HEART” im torn between letting go of everything i ever knew and everyone i have ever known to become the person im being called to be or i can just stick around and try to keep what i love and hope they change hoping it wont end up in disaster and unhappiness. I haven’t killed myself because i heard that thats the only thing GOD can not forgive. Sometimes i wonder if this life is worth it, all this put downs. All these lies and fights! Everyone is so ungrateful so insidious!!! I cant take it. I’m sorry this is so depressing and totally probably not what you expected. but please Ask yourself this…. How many times have your comments lift someone up rather than put someone down? How many times have you honestly gone out of your way and not expect nothing in return?? ITS LIKE NO WONDER THIS WORLD IS LIKE IT IS we go one judging others before we look at ourselves. We point out and say all these things without looking at our own heart… 

Shame on you who decides to destroy more than lift up! 

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